Would you rather...?
A collection of preposterous and distasteful
dilemmas to contemplate
by Carol & Lois
Kramer
credit animated graphic to Ila of Ila's Wild & Warped Web Site
Life
is fraught with difficult decisions. Consider the following - and remember,
"Just
shoot me!" is not an acceptable answer.
Would you
rather...
live without your cell
phone...or
your computer?
(a really tough one for me, submitted by my niece heather@jakubowski.net
dine upon a plateful of
writhing tapeworms in a delectable marinara sauce...or
feast upon a plateful of
plump, juicy maggots in a tasty sweet 'n sour sauce?
(both artfully prepared in the finest of gourmet restaurants,
of course)
give an extemporaneous
sermon at next Sunday's church service...or
perform a well-prepared
musical selection - in the nude (same audience)?
(Consider your
message vs. possible contribution to the collection plate.)
swing on a star...or
get hit by an oncoming
car?
(Consider
the intense heat of a star vs. expert medical care)
be forced to smoke an
entire carton of cigarettes...or
a whole box of cigars?
be a substitute
teacher...or
be beaten with a stick?
be a substitute
teacher...or
a prostitute?
(Things to
ponder: the abuse vs. the pay; Is there really a
significant difference?)
curl your bottom lip with
a hot curling iron...or
cut off your left ear?
have worms coming out of
your nose at will (theirs)...
or leave the scent of
skunk wherever you go?
have a left breast size A
and a right breast size D...or
none at all?
have all your teeth
bashed out with a sledge hammer ...or
have your eyes gouged out
with an ice pick?
have a penis the size of
a pencil...or
the size of a butternut
squash?
sound like Kenny G on the
saxophone...or
have the sounds of Yanni playing constantly in your head?
have an alarm sound whenever
you pass gas...or
have a scrotum for a
nose?
remove your spleen with a
rusty scalpel...or
donate a kidney to Charles
Manson?
have Martha Stewart for
your mother...or
Fran Drescher?
(things to think about: those pesky napkin-folding lessons
vs. annoying talks with Mom)
weigh 357 pounds...or
57
pounds?
have a charming
personality and be dumb as a stump...or
be intellectually
brilliant and have no friends?
eat caviar...or
fish eggs? (Oops - same thing!)
be attached to your
mother for the rest of your/her life by bracelets connected with a 4-foot
chain...or
have a 2-foot chain
attaching your left eyebrow to your right labium major (right testicle for
males)?
(Consider
your privacy vs. standing upright.)
be forced to use a
litter box for the rest of your life...or
be totally incontinent?
(Think about
carrying your litter box with you wherever you go vs. diapers)
have a urine snow cone, a
feces milkshake,...
or puke pudding?
If you find this site tasteless and
disgusting, please tell a friend.
Any resemblance to the "Would you rather..?s" by Heimbert & Gomberg is purely
coincidental.
My daughter and I challenged each other since
from 1996 to 2006 with this craziness!
Guest
Entries (original only, please)
Selected entries will be posted and credited
to the author. Please include your preferred identity.
Would you
rather...
wear a Dalkon Shield IUD...or
a Dow Corning silicone
breast implant?
Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com
have to care 24 hours a
day for 8 healthy children ...or
only one severely
disabled and retarded child?
Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com
wax Rush Limbaugh's
bikini line...or
give Newt Gingrich an
enema?
Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com
have sex with Kenny G and
no one know about it... or
not have sex with Kenny
G and everyone think you did?
Donor:
APINKY7007
slide down a bed of razor
blades and broken glass into a vat of rubbing alcohol...or
make mad, passionate love
to Janet Reno? (slightly edited.......Hey, I like
Janet Reno.)
Contributor:
erb@cvzoom.net (probably not
Japan's Prime Minister)
work for the rest of your
life as a faceless drone in a huge corporation in an unfulfilling and boring
job for huge amounts of money...or
make a subsistence wage
in a job that fulfills you and is a joy to do?
Contributed
by Tony Colla, Tony.Colla@usa.net
be Michael Jackson's
wife...or
Michael
Jackson's kid?
(Consider the amount of sex each gets.)
Submitted by
knipe@compusmart.ab.ca
be in the middle of a concert ready to play a
solo and the neck breaks off of your electric bass guitar, leaving its body
strapped to yours and the strings flopping in the air while you hold what's
left of the neck in your hand...or
have all of the solder welds melt on your trumpet and it falls apart into a
pile of little brass tubes on the floor? (These were actual recurring dreams of
the contributor, a former member of the U.S. Army Field Band.)
Contributed
by Rick Barnes ke3qj@msn.com
show your age and suffer
from male pattern baldness...or
have so much hair on your body that you have to stay away from the zoo because the
female chimps lick their lips and wink at you?
Submitted by
Rogue Man plunger@gte.net
Have unlimited sex with ugly people...or
sex for only one week in
your life with exceptionally beautiful people?
Live
on a desert island with no food...or
live on a desert island
with no company?
Be
deaf with great eyesight...or
blind with great hearing?
Above 3
Submitted by Nicole Arendt, Nicole_Arendt@hotmail.com
Burn to death ...or drown?
Be rich and sick ...or poor and healthy?
Above
2 submitted by Allan Monge.
Would you rather have alot
of $M$O$N$E$Y$ and NO friends...or have alot of
friends and no money?
Guest Entry from Taviah@SpankTheDonkey.com
Thank you for your clever and tasteless contributions!
always under construction
(more outrageous dilemmas
coming soon...especially if you send me one!)
October 12,
2016