Would you rather...?

A collection of preposterous and distasteful dilemmas to contemplate

by Carol & Lois Kramer

credit animated graphic to Ila of Ila's Wild & Warped Web Site

Life is fraught with difficult decisions. Consider the following - and remember,

"Just shoot me!" is not an acceptable answer.


Would you rather...

live without your cell phone...or

your computer?

(a really tough one for me, submitted by my niece heather@jakubowski.net


dine upon a plateful of writhing tapeworms in a delectable marinara sauce...or

feast upon a plateful of plump, juicy maggots in a tasty sweet 'n sour sauce?

(both artfully prepared in the finest of gourmet restaurants, of course)


give an extemporaneous sermon at next Sunday's church service...or

perform a well-prepared musical selection - in the nude (same audience)?

(Consider your message vs. possible contribution to the collection plate.)


swing on a star...or

get hit by an oncoming car?

(Consider the intense heat of a star vs. expert medical care)


be forced to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes...or

a whole box of cigars?


be a substitute teacher...or

be beaten with a stick?


be a substitute teacher...or

a prostitute?

(Things to ponder: the abuse vs. the pay; Is there really a significant difference?)


curl your bottom lip with a hot curling iron...or

cut off your left ear?


have worms coming out of your nose at will (theirs)...

or leave the scent of skunk wherever you go?


have a left breast size A and a right breast size D...or

none at all?


have all your teeth bashed out with a sledge hammer ...or

have your eyes gouged out with an ice pick?


have a penis the size of a pencil...or

the size of a butternut squash?


sound like Kenny G on the saxophone...or

have the sounds of Yanni playing constantly in your head?


have an alarm sound whenever you pass gas...or

have a scrotum for a nose?


remove your spleen with a rusty scalpel...or

donate a kidney to Charles Manson?


have Martha Stewart for your mother...or

Fran Drescher?

(things to think about: those pesky napkin-folding lessons vs. annoying talks with Mom)


weigh 357 pounds...or

57 pounds?


have a charming personality and be dumb as a stump...or

be intellectually brilliant and have no friends?


eat caviar...or

fish eggs? (Oops - same thing!)


be attached to your mother for the rest of your/her life by bracelets connected with a 4-foot chain...or 

have a 2-foot chain attaching your left eyebrow to your right labium major (right testicle for males)?

(Consider your privacy vs. standing upright.)


be forced to use a litter box for the rest of your life...or

be totally incontinent?

(Think about carrying your litter box with you wherever you go vs. diapers)


have a urine snow cone, a feces milkshake,...

or puke pudding?


If you find this site tasteless and disgusting, please tell a friend.

Any resemblance to the "Would you rather..?s" by Heimbert & Gomberg is purely coincidental.

My daughter and I challenged each other since from 1996 to 2006 with this craziness!

Guest Entries (original only, please)

Selected entries will be posted and credited to the author. Please include your preferred identity.

Click here to submit entry.

Would you rather...


wear a Dalkon Shield IUD...or

a Dow Corning silicone breast implant?

Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com


have to care 24 hours a day for 8 healthy children ...or

only one severely disabled and retarded child?

Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com


wax Rush Limbaugh's bikini line...or

give Newt Gingrich an enema?

Guest author: Ila M. Press, Esq., Cybergoddess, http://www.ila.com


have sex with Kenny G and no one know about it... or

not have sex with Kenny G and everyone think you did?

Donor: APINKY7007


slide down a bed of razor blades and broken glass into a vat of rubbing alcohol...or

make mad, passionate love to Janet Reno? (slightly edited.......Hey, I like Janet Reno.)

Contributor: erb@cvzoom.net (probably not Japan's Prime Minister)


work for the rest of your life as a faceless drone in a huge corporation in an unfulfilling and boring job for huge amounts of money...or

make a subsistence wage in a job that fulfills you and is a joy to do?

Contributed by Tony Colla, Tony.Colla@usa.net


be Michael Jackson's wife...or

Michael Jackson's kid? (Consider the amount of sex each gets.)

Submitted by knipe@compusmart.ab.ca


be in the middle of a concert ready to play a solo and the neck breaks off of your electric bass guitar, leaving its body strapped to yours and the strings flopping in the air while you hold what's left of the neck in your hand...or

have all of the solder welds melt on your trumpet and it falls apart into a pile of little brass tubes on the floor? (These were actual recurring dreams of the contributor, a former member of the U.S. Army Field Band.)

Contributed by Rick Barnes ke3qj@msn.com


show your age and suffer from male pattern baldness...or

have so much hair on your body that you have to stay away from the zoo because the female chimps lick their lips and wink at you?

Submitted by Rogue Man plunger@gte.net


Have unlimited sex with ugly people...or

sex for only one week in your life with exceptionally beautiful people?

Live on a desert island with no food...or

live on a desert island with no company?

Be deaf with great eyesight...or

blind with great hearing?

Above 3 Submitted by Nicole Arendt, Nicole_Arendt@hotmail.com


Burn to death ...or drown?

Be rich and sick ...or poor and healthy?

Above 2 submitted by Allan Monge.


Would you rather have alot of $M$O$N$E$Y$ and NO friends...or have alot of friends and no money?

Guest Entry from Taviah@SpankTheDonkey.com


Thank you for your clever and tasteless contributions!


always under construction

(more outrageous dilemmas coming soon...especially if you send me one!)

 October 12, 2016